Lonely

LONELY

She is alone and desolate

She does not know what is coming her way.

She is quite and is helpless

Yet she is trying to see what is unclear and unsaid.

A tear, a fear and with pain in heart

She is accepting her lonely path.

She fought, she tried and she took a stand

But was betrayed and was left to cry again.

She has her plans in her mind and is waiting

For the right to come and to establish them.

P.S: She is alone and desolate, but she is not week as she is waiting for her way to be in her reach

STRANGE BUT TRUE

शायद यह पहली दफा है की में हिंदी में कुछ लिखने जा रही हूँ, पर यह जो भी है सच है! 

किसी ने सच ही कहा की भावनाओ की कोई भाषा नै होती. दिल से निकली हर बात, किसी न किसी रूप में जुबान पर आ ही जाती है. आज कुछ ऐसा ही मेरे साथ भी हो रहा है.

एक अजीब सा सन्नाटा है, एक अजीब सी घबराहट है, आगे आने वाले इस समय को लेकर एक अजीब सी झुनझुनाहट है! में नहीं जानती की यह क्या है, क्यूँ है कैसे है ! बस इतना जानती हूँ की जो भी है अजीब है. वोह कहते है न - अजीब दास्ताँ है यह..................... वगरह वगरह ! आज ऐसा ही कुछ मेरे साथ भी है. सब ठीक है, फिर भी दिल में एक डर है, सब शांत है फिर भी हवाओं में झुनझुनाहट है, ऐसा लग रहा है जैसे यह घबराहट कुछ कहना छाती है मुझसे, ऐसा लग रहा है जैसे यह हवाएं किसी बारे में आगाह कर रही हैं मुझे. ऐसा भी लग रहा है जैसे कोई तूफ़ान सा आने वाले है ज़िन्दगी में.................

हो सकता है की यह मेरा वहम हो, हो सकता है की यह सच हो , जो भी हो मैं अपने भगवन से दुआ करती हूँ की यह वक़्त गुज़र जाये, यह हवाएं बह जाये और ज़िन्दगी की इन अजीब राहों पर चलने की मुझे ताकत मिल जाये.............................!

IDENTITY ISSUES

7 FEB 2012, THE DAY OF IDENTITY ISSUES

Once again I am here to express my heart rather i should say cry my heart before the sweet little walls of my self obsessed blog. Once again I am here to vent out my frustration. After all here is the only place where I can shout, scream, cry, abuse and ......................................

I guess it happens with every individual at one time or the other when he she does not know what he or she is actually doing. I mean look at me, yesterday I was a star and today I am no one, not even a voice of those thousands of B.A Program students who ruin their lives by taking this subject as a course of study. What value does this course have and what does it produce? The answer is "NOTHING"  it produces nothing at all. It only yield a bunch of fools who are actually good for nothing. Let me think of one person who has been an achiever after completing his/ her graduation in B.A Program. I did not get any name on Google as well. I feel that Delhi University should completely shove off this course as it is only ruining life of students who actually land up doing nothing apart from small menial jobs here and there. Maybe I am just one frustrated bitch who is going on and on with my slangs here but what ever it is I am just what I am. To sum my profile in a line I am one frustrated bitch who has actually invited her down and dumps by her own hands.

Talking about the drawbacks my bloody biggest drawback was in me being a bereft who is forced to earn a living

This One is for You My dear!

Strange but true................................................... I never thought that letting you go even today would be as difficult as letting you go an year ago. Waiting for you would be as long as it was an year ago. The minute you called to say last good bye, my heart skipped a beat and time stopped. I could not understand the reason behind this strange behavior but one thing is clear,its love for you which made me do so. Its not at all easy to see you going away, even though I know that you will be back after six months my heart cries for you to be with me now and for ever. Despite the fact that I know that we will be in touch in all this time my heart just cant say good bye. I know that it is important for you to go and that is the only reason I am able to explain my heart that she will be back. My heart is weak and weeping at the moment but the truth is larger than this. The truth is that I love you so much that for your good and for your better future I am ready to face this pain of separation. I am ready to sit back here and count the days passing by for you to return.

I want you to know that you are special and an indispensable gift given to me by my almighty savior. You are an asset and people like you deserve the best in life. By time I will publish this post for you, you will be gone to come back  again.

I will wait for you to return here and say ," I am back".

Good luck and fare - well. Be safe and happy. also remember there is someone here in Delhi waiting for you to return.

P:S. I Love you and want you to return asap.

4 October, 2011

The day begins with a fine smile on my face and pain in my body. I do not understand my health and the facts associated with it. Neither do i understand the reason for this pain. I want to  be left alone and deserted in a corner for some time and be with myself. I wonder if I will ever get such a space and time to be left alone in desolation. 

Its not the physical pain that kills a human being but the mental pain that kills you every now and then. One such mental torture has been inflicted upon me by my destiny. 

Another historical moment got created in my life. I wonder if I will ever be able to come out of it because I know myself really well!. Me and my peanut sized brain will never let me change my way of judging things at the same time will never provide me a clear picture in my brain. 

I also wonder if I will ever be able to break my very own shackles created by me and move on in life. But I guess I am not as strong as people assume me to be.

In all this while I really thank my colleague who stood by my side while everything went on and supported me when I needed some adult the most. I also thank Principal ma'am for being there for me whenever I needed her. I guess it is because of her that I finally decided to move on and take this one step ahead. I wouldn't have ever been able to do it.

I hope that almighty give me enough strength and sets me free from all this.

I dont want to face any of this any more. 

P:S - I NEED A BREAK

Diary, October 3, 2011

Well as usual it was another hectic day. It made me feel that I am running a call center in College where the teachers of the entire college ring me up to rectify their various issues. The package on which we people is not really complicated but yes it is kind of technical enhancement and basically a way in which we can welcome technology with open arms. People at times criticize the efforts ignoring the fact that technology makes life easier. I do not get the point that why people abstain from change.

I personally believe that everyone should go ahead and explore new adventures. Age is not and can never be a bar to learn something or explore something. One has to take an initiative to make things better.

I hope that our efforts are appraised and things are welcomed.

P:S fingers crossed. Lets see whats coming up more.............. Calls are welcomed and issues will be resolved within 24 hours.

LIFE GETS MONOTONOUS

When all goes well around you, things seem clear, work is on the role and target is near- LIFE GETS MONOTONOUS at that very moment.

There are times in a persons life where he/she thinks about his/her future, anticipate about things they would wish to do in the near future. Once any such target is clear and the visionary realms are almost complete the next stage of life begins at that very moment.

One phase comes the other phase goes, but something that is permanent and cannot be thrown out of your daily moribund schedule is the passage of time and lacunae on the part of the people that they cannot visualize what has just gone by and what has not been utilized in the most effective manner.

Right now, I am on one such verge where my life gets monotonous. There was a time when I use to feel that getting a job is all what I need to fulfill my dreams, but today when I am actually working I know that it is not all that I want. Life tends to get more demanding once you accomplish one goal. Yet I would say that life gets monotonous once you accomplish one goal of your life. E.g. get up every day, get dressed, get set for work, work whole day, come back home and complete pending house hold chores, study a little, cook, teach a little, eat and go off to sleep. And thus this cycle repeats everyday with one dearth of adventure in life.

We do not understand what we expect from life at a certain point of time but we need to know that things are not as they appear to be and that life needs lot more. I am yet to explore ways in which one can save their lives from being monotonous.

I hope that there comes some adventure in life and life takes a new yet positive turn.

P:S I am waiting for that one day to come. More to come soon................................