Diary, 14 Jnauary 2013

The day began with a fine smile on my face and with a promise in my heart to do something good for myself. Took a half day off from work and went out with a dear friend / brother. It was important. Really important. While he drove to drop me at the metro station, a little conversation with him made me realize about how wrong I was. Despite the fact that I knew what I did was wrong and that I have no right to involve anyone in my personal problems or for that matter i need to learn to handle my emotions myself, I still did a silly mistake which ofcourse I should'nt have done in the first place but, yes, I did it. I spoiled things. I dont understand why, when and how I became so weak. I was not amongst the one who would break down in=front of others. Till date I have handled myself strongly. So, all of a sudden what went wrong, even I do not know. I guess knowing it is not even that important nor does it matter. What matters is the solution to it. Solution lies in doing things that I like, but what do I like? 

I like writing, so I am expressing myself here, - but is it really helping?

I like debating for which I joined online debating society, - but now I dont even want to debate.

I liked Pineapple Ice Cream Soda, but it does not taste good anymore.

I liked spending time with myself, but it has become scary.

I liked working like a workaholic, but work is no more interesting?

Well! I definitely need to figure out a solution, I will do it soon, I guess all I need is patience!

Diary Mid Day 12 January 2013

So, I am back with my emotions to my lil self obsessed corner. I guess its my only best friend who will listen to me without saying a single word and will pay attention to what I have to say.

I just don't know the damn reason for my sadness and this deprived feeling. Its just that I want to sit with myself and cry, cry like a little baby. Probably I have not seen a childhood and now when I have grown up I want to live my childhood. I demand care, attention and love. This depressive mode is killing me every minute and every second. I wish I had someone who could not only love me dearly but also say, " No matter what happens, you are not alone darling. I am there to hold you and take care of you in every possible way that you demand."

I know that no body likes a cry baby and nobody would like to have a girl like me in his life but still I do need someone to hold me tight and give me a hug and would just not leave me alone. I am scared of being alone these days. Loneliness and spending time with myself were my favorite pass timers but now I am scared to do the same, cause the moment I am alone I land up into depression and a strange feeling conquers my heart.

I wish I had a solution to this problem of mine.I wish I had my mom with me right now to hold me, cuddle me and love me.

I miss you mumma and I need you. I desperately need you ma. Wish you could come back to my life. I dont know who you were, how you were and for that matter I cant even remember your last touch. The only thing that I remember about you and papa was the night when I lost the both of you. Today I know and I also realize that how important it is to have your parents hand on your head. I need you booth. Wish I could have the both of you.

A REAL MAN MAKES DECISIONS AND LIVES WITH IT’S CONSEQUENCES

To build a great house, you need a strong foundation upon which to assemble all the other pretty things. To build a great man, you also need a solid foundation upon which to add all the other little things that set the real men apart from the stronzos. Let's not piss around, the stuff inside matters most.

Over the years and the personal experiences that I have had about life and men, one of the most strongest ones have been that there are hardly good men around in the city.

M: Master

A: Arrogant

N: Nasty

Most women today rate a man in the above three categories, and why not, after all the incidents that we see and hear in the news portal these days, it’s one thing that is obvious.

It is believed that a man is a bread earner and a woman is a home maker, but what when the bread earner sits at home drunk and beats his home maker to death. It is this bread earner who goes on the road and rapes a woman and throws her to die on the road, abuse her beat her, tear her apart and then does not even have the courtesy to wrap her and give her first aid medication, forget about respecting her.

It is these bread earners who force their daughters into marriage just to get a burden rid of their heads and throughout their lives makes them realize about how grateful they have been to their girls. No matter, what happens to them after their marriage is not even a question of concern but yes they have fulfilled their responsibility so they are not to be blamed.

Only a 5% of the entire male population can be termed as the actual MEN who are not just good at heart but also respect their ladies and daughters.

The next question that comes is, “What does it take to be a real man?”

Answer: Following are the traits that a real man possesses rather I should say should possess:

• A real Man is good at reading and writing, if he is good in at-least one of these, then I am sure he has the real sense of what is right and what is wrong.

• A real Man is the one who is good at literature, only then he can understand the true meaning of what is written in the scriptures.

• A real Man is focused and strong. By strong do not relate it to the physical strength, I also mean that he should have a backbone and should be able to take mature decisions in life. He is not the one who is a cry baby and is focused about what is extracted the best out of life. He is the one who knows the difference between what is right and what is wrong and knows how to handle power, friends, family and money.

• A real man knows the importance of family. He realizes its essence and values. He knows that his lady and children are his responsibilities and knows that family is not abused but in a way worshipped.

• A real Man strives to be a role model and does not loaf around boasting about himself and does not gossip about what is happening in someone’s life. Instead, he tries to give his genuine advice and opinion and in case he cannot help he shuts himself and provides moral support.

• A real Man sticks to his opinion and believes in establishing life long bonds. Say for ex. If he loves someone then he will love that person throughout his life no matter if that person is immature and is not able to give her best.

• A real Man makes his own future and does not depend on what his ancestors have left for him.

• A real Man knows that it is he who has taken the responsibility for managing his family and that he has to take decisions that would abide by his family’s wishes.

•  Finally, a real Man makes his decisions and lives with its consequences.

To conclude with, I would like to add that a real MAN is the one who is modest, caring, understanding and the one who respects woman for what they are.

I know in today’s world it is almost impossible to find such men, but as far as I know, I have met both the categories of men, by this I mean I have seen a real Man, the one that I have described in my article and yes I have seen the Male Hippocrates as well.

PS: It is difficult to find a real man, but yes they do exist. Wish all men could turn into real MEN.

Chapters of Life!

Amongst the various chapters of my life there are certain chapters which have been read and there are chapters which are yet to be read and written. One cannot predict the onset of a new chapter nor can one read as and when one wants to. There is no choice that lies in a particular person's hand he/she is compelled to do what is presented to him/ her but as a very dear friend says, it is in our hands to write a few chapters which later turns into our future.

Today, I am just praying to the almighty to give me strength to write my chapters my way. Hope one day, all my desires turn into real chapters, which would then happily be read by me.

PS. Waiting for that one chapter that will take away all my sorrows and will stand by my side to say, " I AM THERE FOR YOU".

Its not the end of the world!

At time when things go hay-wire in life we often believe that its done, as in , its the end of the world, but that very moment we need to look for a spark, a light, a friend or for that matter even a stranger that can show us the other side of the world. A dark gloomy face with sadness drooping from every corner might grasp some amount of sympathy but after a certain point of time will loose its relevance so rather than being sad and gloomy one needs to shut the old chapters and get up with a new start, that is what at-least I believe in doing.

It is important for every person to learn that its not the end of the world. No matter how tough the situation and life gets, there is always a turn waiting at the end of the road less traveled.We might find it difficult to understand that the road less traveled is ours but yes sooner or later one learns the very fact associated with the way to make a choice. I personally prefer the road less traveled so that I can leave a mark on every aspect of life that I touch and expect intellectual people who have sense of maturity and understanding to do the same. 

While writing this particular blog also I was interrupted by people who have little/ no sense about the world and its challenges and had given up TO THE CIRCUMSTANCES presented to them by the pressure and family around, but I guess a little experienced shared by me changed their view point and they realised that, " Its not the end of the world."

There are times when we all feel that what we are going through is possibly the biggest and the deepest situation with the utmost gravity and that is, when the lack of understanding and the actual problem begins. We need to learn that its not just we who are a part of a menace but every person in this big - big world is facing something similar or even deeper. 

PS. We need to open our eyes and look at the world around to see that we are not the only one and that there is lot more to look at and learn from.

Most importantly - no matter what happens we need to learn that ITS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.

How to overcome depression!

HOW TO OVERCOME DEPRESSION

There are times and phases in life when we actually feel very low. The world seems to be the most hopeless place. Nothing interests you anymore. the things which used to interest you are no more interesting, the food which used to bring water in mouth does not appear delicious any more. Hunger seems to desert you. Advice given by friends and family members does not even enter the ear lobes. Staying alone in a room or a deserted place is what you like the most in the world. Cribbing about the things you do not have in your life becomes your favorite pass time. Eyes become like leaking taps, life becomes like a rotten leaf, like a dream differed. Problems and issues over shadow happiness and thus life does not seem worth living.

Now the question is how do we come out of this most unpleasant phase of life.

People may take a few days. weeks or even years to come out of this phase . Following are a few tips that may help you curb depression:

1. Start dressing up nicely. Wear good clothes, if you are a girl do a little bit of make up and if you are a guy wear your favorite shirt or T-shirt (depends upon your dressing style). It works coz when people compliment you, you feel better.
2. Identify that world is not an ugly place to live in, in-fact its the most beautiful place. Problems and issues are a part of life which everyone goes through . A few reveal it to the world where as the others prefer staying in their shell. Also realize that if life was like a chocolate ice cream served with nuts and raisins life wouldnt be interesting. So, welcome your down and dumps and show the world that you have the guts to face it.
3. Try talking out. Pour out what you have in your heart and mind. Staying alone and keeping things to yourself, could never reach out to a solution.
4. Try finding happiness in things that you have. Look world from a different angle. Look at the people who actually have nothing to be happy about but are still smiling.
5. Go out for a walk. Take in fresh air. Admire the beauty. thank god for giving you this beautiful life, thank God for giving you what you have and ask him for the strength to overcome issues and problems in your life.
6. Even if you do not feel like eating, eat what you liked when you were not sad. Go to your favorite places.
7. Think about the things you always wanted to do but could not do due to paucity of time.
8. Early morning when you wake up to start a new day- plan your day, plan the things you have to do in the entire day , trust me you will realize that you have no time to be sad and that there is a lot more to do in this beautiful world.
9. Do something good for at-least two people in a day but remember that one of them must be you.
10. Spend time with your friends and family.
11. Have lots of sweets and chocolates, it works.

So, people when you feel that world is not just your kind of a place, right that very moment start thinking differently

P:S - Do not ignore it, as it works................

Feelings

Feelings are scary! To think about your feelings is to actually face the bitter truth of life. The minute you spend time with yourself and try to figure out about the things and the aura around you, that is the minute when you realise that the world is a big enough space for a tiny person like you to get lost into it. At times I think about my feelings, my feelings about love, work, friendship, relationships, etc and that is the time when I get a reality check about the big world, where we all came alone and will vanish alone some day.

Despite the fact that all of us know the facts of life and are aware of the point that there is no place for feelings and emotions in this hillarious world, we still enrope ourselves in some kind of bonding or some kind of relationship and the worst part is to think about getting parted from that very bonding or relationship. Before forming any such bonds we make it clear to ourselves that its temporary and shall not last long but still at the time of seperation their is pain and despair in heart.

Reality is different from what we all perceive to foresee in the future. Even while we know that relationships are complicated and difficult to handle, we get involve in them , be it professional or personal we do form them, sometimes willingly, sometimes conciously and sometimes unconciously. Whatever, be the state of human mind, one forgets that the ultimate end of a relationship is destined until and unless it is a life time relationship, where love blooms and understanding between the personnel is that of what does not exist in today's world.

Moral of the story: Do not form relationships if you cannot handle it. Cause feeling are scary and can lead you to terrible depression.